


Creative Problem Solving

by angharad



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Hotdogging, M/M, Object Insertion, Smuppets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-04
Updated: 2013-03-04
Packaged: 2017-12-04 06:54:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/707834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angharad/pseuds/angharad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You wonder what came over you to think this was such a good idea. Because, sure, you'd joked about it enough. Doing Bro. But no homo. Except, what you wanted was totally homo. You wanted as much homo as he could give you because he was Bro fuckin' Strider, big bro of your bestie and master of your nasty thoughts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Creative Problem Solving

You wonder what came over you to think this was such a good idea. Because, sure, you'd joked about it enough. Doing Bro. But no homo. Except, what you wanted was totally homo. You wanted as much homo as he could give you because he was Bro fuckin' Strider, big bro of your bestie and master of your nasty thoughts. 

Still, getting Bro drunk off wine coolers had seemed like a great idea at the time. It worked on Glee! But Bro had gone from cool and impassive to... _sloshy_ somewhere between the first sip of the fourth bottle and the third. You had been hoping for flirty Bro. Flirty Bro who would take the lead and show you all of the ways of the homo world. Instead, he was basically a pile of attractiveness sprawled on the futon. He'd bought the idea that you were locked out of your place (while Dave was conveniently out of town, no less) and waiting on someone to bring your key because locksmiths are expensive shits and, besides, you like your key because it's got memories or something. You don't really remember what you said because your name is John Egbert and you are a giant tool. Well, no. More like you were thinking about a giant tool at the time.

Since The-Lump-Formerly-Known-As-Bro hadn't moved a single muscle since you started whatever movie this was (you had purposefully picked something that looked so bad that you wouldn't mind not paying any attention to it), you figured that your night was shot and it was time to fake a phone call from his imaginary friend. But just as you reached into you pocket to hit a button to make it seem like your phone was vibrating, Bro moved. You were startled and tried to ignore that you had just eeked out a tiny girly scream. But then Bro was grabbing you by the slime print on your shirt and pulling you close and before you could understand what was happening, the homo was on. You were straddling Bro's lap and the hardness in his pants was reminding yours about proper form. "You little fucker," Bro drawls out and you're pretty sure your mouth is watering. "You're such a cocktease."

The way he says it is an insult, but you're far more concerned with the way his tongue moves in his mouth when he says cock and somehow your body decides that kissing is the best response to the insult. A moment later, your head catches up to what is going on and agrees that, yes, kissing is definitely a good response. Only Bro's mouth tastes of passionfruit and pomegranate and alcohol and maybe chicken wings or whatever it was he ate before you came over and it- It could be better. But his stubble rubs across your face in a way that makes your dick stiffen even further and despite being clumsy with his lips and tongue in the kisses, his fingers have started to move like a boss across your body. 

It isn't long before you grow tired of hands only groping your ass, though, and then you pull away, smirking at the groan Bro makes. Your fingers do a fine job still of taking off your clothes and you feel like an idiot standing here naked except for your glasses, the little precum hat on your dick, and the winning big-tooth smile that you've been wearing all evening that it is making your cheeks ache now. But your body takes over again and you find yourself pulling off Bro's clothes. He is willing about everything except the glasses and you figure leaving those on is fine this time because, even drunk, there's got to be some trust there.

There aren't even words for how you're feeling as you look at him sprawled on the futon, an absolute marvel of pale flesh stretched over hard muscle with a dick like you have never seen. Changing out in gym class did not prepare you for this. But it almost looks pretty, really, and you should be prepared for this because you have seen glimpses. But glimpses have not prepared you at all for the fact that Bro's cock seems to be about the size of Lil Cal's leg. Suddenly, you are hit in the chest with something and you fumble it, catching it only just before it hits the floor. It is lube. Bro threw lube at you.

You have the lube, so you decide to combine it with your ass. It's an awkward combination at first because the lube is cold and you are a little weirded out by the way that Bro is just _looking_ at you even though you can't really be certain that his eyes are actually aimed at you because they might be aimed at the smuppet on the table next to you. Either way, this part you have done before on your own and you figure that there's not really a most attractive way to do this other than just doing it. Your fingers are slicked up and, minutes later, you are as ready as you're willing to be.

Bro shifts on the futon so that there is room for you to kneel down on it and you do, wondering if he even has the energy for this or if this will just end up being a Very Bad Idea(TM). But then Bro's behind you and his mouth is on your neck and sucking at it and you think that this might just fit in the Very Good Idea(TM) column after all. His dick is hard against your back and you bend over a little more, sliding one leg off the futon to the ground so that you can make room and get leverage and all of that. Suddenly, that dick is at your entrance. You're a little worried because it is big, very big, but you have accomplished big things in your life before, even if not exactly like this. 

But then you are trying and trying to relax and be open and to take him in, but he just keeps sliding away so that his dick is sliding between your butt cheeks and it is good, very good, but it is not what you wanted. You kick Bro away for a moment and turn over in hopes that maybe this is just a logistics issue. And Bro is very good about you kicking him in the shoulder as you try to get his dick in you, even holding himself in place with one hand, but it's still like a snake in your own personal grass and it is just not going in. He growls finally and pulls away. "I'm too drunk for this." And he starts to stand and you are terrified that this is your last chance to do this, as though he's going to wake up and want even less to do with you than he does already, but before you can say something ridiculously clever, he grabs the smuppet. It is blue and the nose is smaller than Bro's dick and it takes you a moment to even get an idea of what is going on here, but Bro just pushes you onto your back again and then there's a quickly-lubed smuppet at your entrance and it's sliding in and filling you slowly, your body almost fluttering as it moves inside you. When there are googly eyes pressed against your balls, you let your hands grip at his shoulders, those firmly muscled shoulders that you have imagined a bunch of times now (almost) just like this. You whisper out, "What about you?" and you are suddenly nervous because if your cheeks already hurt from smiling, there is just no way you can give head. 

He laughs and grabs the lube again and squirts some on the ass of the smuppet and then he's rubbing his dick in the groove between the cheeks which is slowly fucking it into you and you moan because this is creative problem solving at its best. You end up having to touch yourself to get off, stealing a little lube from the smuppet's ass and stroking Bro's dick in the process to make it better, and it's kind of amazing how there is actually an almost complete divide between you and Bro but it's still just like he's the one who is in you, but using the smuppet as some sort of extension of himself. It isn't long before it's too much and you come, jizz coating your chest and stomach and then Bro is leaning down and licking it off and his stubble is rubbing against it so that you're sure that your belly is going to be pink in the morning. 

You push him off because you've had enough of the smuppet, but you can tell from his grunts that he is close so you lick the palm of your hand and put it on top of Bro's cock, still messily sliding along a lubed-up smuppet and he must like it because he pulls the smuppet out of you suddenly and frots against it with wild abandon, dragging your hand along for the ride and then he is shooting his dick rocket straight into the air and you know that this smuppet will never, ever, be for sale because it has already had a hard-knock life. 

Bro collapses back against the futon and smirks. "Fuck yeah."

You raise an eyebrow at him and struggle to sit up. "So, you liked it?"

"I needed to do some testing on that new model anyway." Bro slung an arm around you and you wrinkled your nose because there was jizz on his arm that is now in your hair.

Your named is John Egbert and you just got deep-dicked (nosed?) by Bro Strider's puppet and it was totally homo. You are already planning to make it happen again. But this time without the wine coolers.


End file.
